Older By Proxy

Our aging minds work in mysterious ways. I enjoy placing value on people, places, things or scenarios by finding a correlation between that and something... obscure that I can relate to. You, know... how can your younger co-worker even talk "smack" to you when he was born the same year that "Back To The Future" was released in theaters?! The nerve!

That was the obscure correlation today that I made with a new co-worker. Let's face it... when someone is new... you gotta make em feel new. You've gotta jump them in. In the military... its the only way. If someone isn't verbally slamming you, then you know something's wrong.

So, the young Airman began on a weak line of smack-talk that probably took him 5 minutes to rehearse in his head. I could see it cookin'. So's I beckon to another particularly saavy co-worker (one rich in music and movie trivia)...

(It probably woulda sounded something like this...)

"Hey, Mappy... the new fish over here is talkin' smack again. I can't take anything serious coming from the mouth of someone that was born on the same year as Back to the Future. Hey kid... 1.21 jigawatts! Why dont you run along to the clock tower--the Mr. Fusion will never kick in at 88 MPH! Its not like you were going to get any at the "Fish Under the Sea" dance anyway."

A tragiclly geeky and accurate demonstration of how someone like me would take you down a peg. Now, Mappy, whom is as just a much a douche bag as me... died laughing. See, fortified in our own inadequacies brought on by missed proms and Magic card collections, lies the the disturbing ability to make "zero" even lower.

When "long" becomes "too long?"

After spending the last 10 years away from home, I have lost touch with some of the people I grew up with. It is a fact of life that the more experiences you partake, the more variety you expose yourself to. Well, after living in a number of different states, countires and hemispheres, I have met some fantastic people. I love keeping in contact with as many people as possible. I will admit--the idea of social responsibility is a burden. I do my best to include as many people as possible in my life. What happens when when the time grows great between us and we have less in common and less interests between us? What happens when the obligation outweighs the exposure? The presents shipped annualy turn into cards or memos. Eventually, they turn into casualvemails and then quickly into nothing. Sometimes this process skips a few steps and goes from best friend to distant acquaintance way to quickly.

Before getting married, one has to concoct a guest list in accordance with the capacity of the venue they're going to rent. Marisa and I opted to go slightly smaller--in an effort to get the right place. I mean, I would much rather party with my friends in a small blues club as opposed to some less-exciting but larger place--like Walmart.

We just could not invite EVERYONE we knew. She and I both have huge extended families and networks of friends. It would have been highly irresponsible to invite more than the capacity of the venue. Two of the three venues we used ended up being over capacity anyways.

So what about my friends that i havent really spoken to in a few years? I dont love them any less... but I dont have room for them in my daily life. They dont have room for me in theirs. Its understandable. I have heard that some of them may be upset that they didnt recieve an invitation to our wedding. I could make a million excuses or valid reasons for why this happened. I feel badly that some of these friends may feel disrespected or negated. Personally, I spent a lot of money and my wife spent enormous amounts of time putting a lot of this together herself. It was stressful. I had to take steps to ensure that this whole process remained even a marginally positive experience. Weddings-- you know how they are.

I don't know if I should worry that much. Maybe I am blowing a lot of this out of proportion... but perhaps I am not. What am I liable for?

What would you do?

Are you comfortable?

Hi. My name is Scott. I was born in Portland, Oregon.


In my early 20's, I tried out for the United States Marine Corps. I didn't end up playing any "varsity" sports in high school; but my recruiter assured me that my athletic medicoraty was not a predisignator for my military service. They were right. 3 months later, I lost 43 lbs, learned to shoot, move communicate, command and follow. I became an instrument. I knew this was what I had become. I had forgotten sorrow and grief. I had forgotten fear and jealousy. I did not stutter. I did not falter. I fired straight--very straight. I burned paths through rain, through dust and heat. I burned paths through exhaustions and dehydration. I cried.


No one here has forgotten that I have served. To me, It's no big deal. Sure, its a lot of discomfort at first--but if you play your cards right--its not intolerable. Our freedom is not an accident. Ask the gentlemen that were recently recovered from the Colombian jungle.

Korea, 9/11, Guadalcanal--offensive or defensive. We are here and free because we cannot be taken lightly. Enjoy your prayers and enjoy your porn. Perfect armies will eventually crumble. The good life cannot last too long. Thank those who have fought. Better yet--if you are not too old, go try it for yourself. You just might find yourself fulfilled.