Saturday, July 12, 2008

When "long" becomes "too long?"

After spending the last 10 years away from home, I have lost touch with some of the people I grew up with. It is a fact of life that the more experiences you partake, the more variety you expose yourself to. Well, after living in a number of different states, countires and hemispheres, I have met some fantastic people. I love keeping in contact with as many people as possible. I will admit--the idea of social responsibility is a burden. I do my best to include as many people as possible in my life. What happens when when the time grows great between us and we have less in common and less interests between us? What happens when the obligation outweighs the exposure? The presents shipped annualy turn into cards or memos. Eventually, they turn into casualvemails and then quickly into nothing. Sometimes this process skips a few steps and goes from best friend to distant acquaintance way to quickly.

Before getting married, one has to concoct a guest list in accordance with the capacity of the venue they're going to rent. Marisa and I opted to go slightly smaller--in an effort to get the right place. I mean, I would much rather party with my friends in a small blues club as opposed to some less-exciting but larger place--like Walmart.

We just could not invite EVERYONE we knew. She and I both have huge extended families and networks of friends. It would have been highly irresponsible to invite more than the capacity of the venue. Two of the three venues we used ended up being over capacity anyways.

So what about my friends that i havent really spoken to in a few years? I dont love them any less... but I dont have room for them in my daily life. They dont have room for me in theirs. Its understandable. I have heard that some of them may be upset that they didnt recieve an invitation to our wedding. I could make a million excuses or valid reasons for why this happened. I feel badly that some of these friends may feel disrespected or negated. Personally, I spent a lot of money and my wife spent enormous amounts of time putting a lot of this together herself. It was stressful. I had to take steps to ensure that this whole process remained even a marginally positive experience. Weddings-- you know how they are.

I don't know if I should worry that much. Maybe I am blowing a lot of this out of proportion... but perhaps I am not. What am I liable for?

What would you do?


Ninja Of The Mundane said...

In retrospect, it might have been nice to send out two levels of wedding announcements — one to one group of people you wanted to be there and reasonably thought could be there, and another to a wider circle of people with whom you wanted to simply share the news of your new happiness.

I think everybody just wanted to feel like they knew what was going on. Nobody likes being out of the loop.

Though I will say that even though I knew as soon as I saw the wedding date that I knew I could not attend, I was pleased and happy and grateful to have been invited.

That said, there's just no way to please everybody. The persona touch, however, can do a lot of making up for that.


ReesePie said...

there is truly no way to please all the people all of the time...

Jill said...

A wedding is about you and her. Not about the guy you sat next to in World Geography in high school.
You did what you needed to make YOUR day special.
Anyone who faults you for that can get bent.
And after having two weddings, one huge and one tiny, I feel I can speak with authority about weddings.
Just don't trust me on marital advice. Great weddings do not ensure great marriages.